Dear Toilet,
I would like you to know that you are not a fountain. I know you've had a major identity crisis today and decided to grace us with your flowing waters all over the bathroom and hallway floor, but really. We love you just the way you are: a toilet. Don't worry, we understand that you are going through a rough time in your porcelain existence. We will let you (and the apartment manager) hash things out. Until then, I would really appreciate it if you'd at least keep the outpourings of water contained to the restroom.
With love,
Lisa
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